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Entry #135

irrational fear about music

2017-01-31 17:43:26 by HarraH

I have this irrational fear and expereince where there are certain textures, effects, melodies, elements of a song etc. that can cause pressures and pains in my body like in my heart or head for example, where I feel like I'm in danger. I never used to be like this, but now I can't listen to old songs I used to. I've had some fairly horrific experiences after making a song or listening back to recent ones where I've felt like I was going to pass out and my whole body goes weak and I go into like kneeling position (happened twice), this happens when I see them from a different (hindsight?) perspective. I rarely open itunes anymore and only for maybe 10 minutes, and I'm always careful when I check audio tracks on newgrounds too (shameful) because I had a really bad experience where I listened to a song that immediately started with some creepy chaos frequency synths followed by aggressive gating it reminded me of getting stabbed. so yeah its really annoying not being able to listen, say for example, aphex twin and not get paranoid and closing itunes. my 2 cents


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2017-01-31 18:14:59

To me this sounds like symptoms of Anxiety. I'd call a doctor to check this out. This may get worse over time if you don't do so.

HarraH responds:

maybe if i stop making music it will go away


2017-01-31 18:26:11

It wont go away. all you'd be doing is trying to bury the problem. I don't like admitting my problems online but I suffer from Anxiety myself and trust me....this sound just like it. I think there has to be something other then the music you're creating that is causing this problem for you.

I know this sounds bad to say but it sounds like its getting worse for you as time goes on. I honestly suggest you seek help from a doctor. I didn't want to at first ether but when I did I was able to figure out what the problem was and I'm working on it.

HarraH responds:

i see doctors all the time. might mention it


2017-01-31 18:38:02

Please do mention really might help you in the long run. I know it helped me.

HarraH responds:

k thanks sasha lopez